Another Dream

i am walking through a weird house/i am supposed to be inspecting it for a dinner party that night/strange hybrid of design/long dining tables,chandeliers,and silverware/away from the tables/along the walls/junky 1970's TV sets/patio furniture/out-of-order vending machines/after two rooms worth of this i slip out without anyone noticing/realize i have to cash a check/it is late at night/must visit currency exchange a mile away/walk through unknown but harmless neighborhood/senior citizens and children everywhere but no adults/reach within 1/2 mile of currency exchange and begin running/effortless and smooth/athletic as i never was/people admire from passing cars/i reach store,go in,cash check/on the way out an employee mumbles something/i turn to ask what it was/another employee tells me "he said boy, that hottie can run"!/i leave saying nothing/arrive at swimming pool and meet my two nephews/we swim and play checkers at the edge of the pool/

The Pointless Adventures Of Mr. Head-In-A-Bong

I have decided to start a new series of occasional posts that will highlight the brain-damaged mis-adventures of people who make "bad choices" (often known as "fun choices"). The prime mover in these situations is usually an intoxicant of some variety, and the results are usually harmless. Sometimes embarassing. Often instructional.

I will begin with a tale as told by my friend Todd, many years ago. He had just turned legal drinking age and was eager to impress a member of the opposite sex at a downtown nightclub. After some witty conversation and a few turns on the dance floor, it was time to do the manly thing and buy a round for himself and his lady companion. It sounds so simple and oh-so-quaint, doesn't it? Like a folk song. Or a black-and-white movie. Or a shrieking epileptic on a meth binge. Yeah, maybe that last part.

So, I will break it down into 7 easy steps - the way to impress the hot ladies downtown....

1) Spill a girl's drink
2) Promise her another one
3) Forget the name of the drink when you reach the bar
4) Make your best guess
5) Discover you don't have enough money to pay for it
6) Borrow money from a semi-stranger
7) Return with drink and be informed that it is NOT what she ordered

Oh yes. If it was good enough in 1982, it's good enough today. Go get 'em tiger......